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LoL

13 years ago

In-Depth Compendium to buying and bonding with your champion

 

 

A time comes in every boy and girl’s life where they decide the one most important thing to begin indulging in their legacy. The fond link between player and champion is like the kinship of Ash Ketchum and his fellow Pokemon friends. A bond between summoner and hero links eternally as they find meaning and purpose in their fragile lives to fill the void once rampant. Such a connection eludes the petty commoner and is only found between the walls of the rift. The profound connection between player and champion grows ever so vigorously with the fiery passion of a thousand suns invigorating the hearts of each and every young nerd and nerdette looking to dominate the Rift. That time is now, and it’s time to choose. Fulfill your desires, find your destiny, choose your champion and never look back. Develop an intimate relationship with your champion, and climb the ladders valiantly or fall swiftly into the abyss of bronze league.
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It all begins here -- the beautiful, unique icon illuminating its unique colors from a bland, one-dimensional palette. This is where the kinsmanship begins. To find one’s true soul mate and partner in crime, you must gaze into the vast available selection of personalities that fit with you, synergizing with your every wish and desire. While the one’s left unchosen may feel a deep and throbbing pain of loneliness and despair, do not fret, as a time comes for all heroes -- even yordles. If you think you’re ready to take on the challenge, move your mouse to this icon and begin the subtle stroke of mouse movement onwards to the button to begin your conquest over the Rift. The League of Legends client is extremely customizable and flexible, well renowned as the most stable and efficient client in all of gaming history, so if you are having troubles hitting the shopping (chest with two stacks of coins) icon, you can expand the window by dragging the bottom right corner to the side of the screen and the icon will become even bigger, making the margin of error much smaller.
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Here’s where you can find the brand-spanking new things in the League. Though “new” can mean anything in the last 2 months, the champions still have their spunk. As a generous gentlemen, I’ve used my Ph.D in art design to direct you to the new AD Carry, Quinn, as a prime example of this. When new champion come out, it’s a wise idea to invest into them if you haven’t already bonded with another comrade. This is generally due to the imbalanced nature of heroes fresh from the brew. Take Quinn, the champion exemplified in the photo above. She is OP because she is two characters -- herself and a really strong bird. Unlike other champions that can use 2 individuals on the field like Annie, Mordekaiser and Yorick, Quinn has her bird at all times. This alone puts her at the top of my tier list because 2 champions is always greater than 1; it’s simple math. If you look to the right of the champion, you can see skins which you can buy with the power fisting points. Stray away from these as they are highly irrelevant. Despite the fact that skins are scientifically proven to make you win more games (an average of 58.7~ win ratio for people using skins), we are playing League of Legends, not Dress Up Barbie. Be careful not to unlock these until you have intimately bonded with a champion of your choice. (Occasionally, the deities of the skies above hate you and will drain your champion of all its powers. Do not say Morello’s name in vain.)
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As you can see, if you’re a poor summoner, you can unlock champions on sale, however these sales are available only to players with power fisting points. A good example are these three champions on sale, Scott Pilgrim’s Evil Ex Girlfriend, The Mad Hatter, and Tree man. These are a great pool of champions to start with because one punches really hard, one has a lot of cool buckles and belts and one is a mother f*cking tree man (he also punches somewhat hard). Feel the champion, connect your spiritual essence with theirs, and take on the battlefield. So how do we acquire our favorite champion and get started? https://www.gosugamers.net/general/images/2013/march/twocurrencyoptions.PNG" border="0"> Power Fisting Points | Double Sword Points Timmy, this isn’t the Pokemans. You cannot travel the world and simply kidnap these poor creatures like helpless animals, you must purchase them. Luckily for you, you can carry out your passionate endeavors while still leeching from your parents. The beautiful thing about champions is that if you don’t have an adequate amount of power fisting points, you can use double sword points. Acquiring double sword points requires lots of grinding and lots of practice, which means more bonding time with your favorite champion. This allows you to develop a powerful sense of commitment and responsibility to your champion of choice. Alternatively, you can grab a job at your local Wal-Mart or Hobby Lobby and acquire power fisting points. Using this method requires a great amount of trust in your champion. If they are rather promiscuous in nature, you might not trust them while you’re gone. If it’s Annie, you might have to hire a babysitter. If it’s Teemo, that little fucker is probably right beside you at your desk job, stealthed and waiting to dart you in the neck. (Don’t choose Teemo, he’s an asshole.) I still highly recommend the double sword points method as it grants you ability with your favorite champion and allows you to be more well-versed in multiple roles with that hero. It allows you disregard optional assets of your life such as bills, exercise, and being social. The Conclusion Now that you've mustered up enough currency to enslave...er...connect with your current hero, it's time to take it to the Rift. Control your champion bravely participate in some 1v1 tournaments, and make your way to Curse Gaming. The platform for success has been established and the only thing holding you back is yourself. As a Diamond level player stuck in Bronze V ONLY because of noobs and trolls, I will give you a piece of advice: Be careful how much you spend on wards because each ward is over the price of 2 potions, and we all know sustain is all the rage. Besides, you're a master of the League, not some little punk afraid of the dark. May your challengers topple before you after receiving this utterly helpful and necessary knowledge.
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You after winning the next LCS.

 

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