Terrified and Live

KOKOStern @ 14th September 2012 15:28 (Read 3,897 times).
Don't tell anyone, but I'm actually scared shit-less of the thought of going live every time I press that broadcast button. It's terrifying and exhilarating at the same time, and it's good... I think.

It's funny that I feel that way since my viewers so far are nothing but a few friends at most, and no one at all in the worst case. So what am I afraid of? Well I grew up on the internet and I know how horrible the place is. No matter who you are, what you are, how you seems to behave, what people say in the mainstream media and what some random person on a dark corner of the internet says about you - someone will hate your guts and some will love you.

To measure success is usually just how many people are exposed to what you do, and not the number of likes vs hates. I shouldn't care if people love me or not, but like most other people, I do. Someone will hate me, I know that for a fact, but I rather most people like me. The stronger someone feels about something, the more likely he is to share, good or bad, but I prefer the former, and that's what has me so reluctant to press that live button every time.

In order to get some emotions, again good or bad, I need to do something interesting and controversial, I need to be interesting. I had one broadcast that featured two very lame low level games where I lost and a third game - a total pubstomp, where I just trampled the opposition. I played with 2 friends of mine that aren't very good, so the entire game was low leveled and in truth just not that interesting.

I felt HORRIBLE afterwards. Even though there were about 2 viewers, again mostly friends, I still felt bad since I knew the stream was boring. I later checked it out and watched parts of the whole 2+ hours video and I have to say it was just kinda dull.

So what the hell do I do about it? I don't truthfully know. I like streaming, and I want to use the media to reach people. I think I know enough about games in general (and Dota specifically) to be interesting, I'm just not entirely sure how to bring it out just yet.

I want to do and say so many things, so many stories to tell and opinions to voice, and I want to share these things with people. First though, I have to make people watch me. I think I'll just do whatever I feel like it for now. Over thinking it will just ruin my time. I enjoy streaming and if anyone is watching, then great, I hope you enjoy.

I had to buy a GPU, and the one I wanted has a pack with Borderlands 2 pre-ordered for some reason. The difference for the graphics card without the game was 9 dollars, and as I was about to buy the game anyways, needless to say I'm now waiting for the launch on the 21st.

I'm gonna stream the crap outta that game, and out of every Dota 2 session I'll have with friends. At some point I might even broadcast my smurf account, where I just play with the full intent of winning and a serious face on. So far I got about 20 games on that account with a ~88% win rate and inconsistent high/very high level games. Once I get a bit more balanced on it, those games might be interesting enough for people to watch.

I'm also hoping for the whole SC2 Community Night thing to pick off. It'll be just me and the writers streaming ourselves losing to community members on SC2 in various ways. Just as a fun bonding thing for the team, and maybe with the community if it manages to show up.

I want to be positive for the future, I'm young and can afford to make stupid mistakes, so here goes.

To close this boring entry, I'll indulge in some shameless self promotion. If you want to play with the SC2 GosuGames editors team, we intend on going live every Wednesday at 20:00 CET on the Europe servers. Just mail [email protected] with your B.net ID or E-mail and we'll contact you in game at that time. Don't worry about winning, we suck ass.

My stream and contact info can be found here:
Stream: KOKOStern @ Twitch.tv
Twitter: @KOKOStern
Contact: [email protected]

I'd appreciate any constructive criticism for the stream, via comments here or drop me an E-mail.

Have a good one!