In what might be the most revolutionary gaming peripheral as of yet, Razer announced the Razer Talon, the world's first gaming Bio-Exosleketon. It is said to put your game on cruise control as the glove will accelerate you to a pace of over 3,000 actions per minute.
Progamers are already lyrical about the skeleton that cuts down unwanted twitch mistakes. The labeled I.S.M.A.K.A (Intelligent Sensor Management Technology) sends out rapid brain impulses to "act on pure and raw gaming instinct". Razer have let three of their RTS players test the product, which received mixed reviews.
- "After a week with the Razer Talons, I believe that this is the next step in human revolution. These are my new hands," said Yo Hwan "SlayerS_BoxeR" Lim. "And not just because I can't find a way to remove them!"
Christoph "Mondragon" Semke is also loving the new levels of APM he never reached before.
- "I'm hitting 900 with every game I play but somehow I don't understand why my hands are turning blue," he said.
It appears the Talons brought holiday sensations to some of the testers, especially for Jeffrey "SjoW" Brusi. Known for his low APM in StarCraft 2, is now labeled a "StarCraft 2 speed freak".
- "Everyday feels like a Friday when you have the Razer Talons on. Always looking forward to my next game. Fun, fun, fun," he shouted.
Razer did make sure to mention the possible side effects of the speed enhancer. It holds a tissue restoration massage mode, something that is strictly intended for use on the hands.
- "Exposing the Razer Talon to other bodily areas, while tempting, may result in excessive strain of and potential loss of said area," can be read in the press release.
To keep you out of the ER, Razer prompts that you use the "Razer Snake Oil Hyperesponse Lubricant".
Fine printed warnings, read before you buy!
Use of Razer Talon without proper application of Razer Snake Oil Hyperesponse Lubricant may result in product failure/catastrophic fire.
Do not attempt to stroke, pat, or interact with any pets/younger siblings while the Razer Talon is in use. Doing so may result in damage/cataclysmic destruction of intended affection recipient.
If Razer Talon begins to behave erratically, move on its own, or become self-aware, unplug unit and barricade yourself/loved ones within a safe location and contact Razer Support. An armed team of product specialists will be dispatched to your location to dispose of and RMA your affected unit.
Do not attempt to rub, scratch, or interface with any part of your body while using the Razer Talon, as this may result in unit damage/horrific loss of valued limb(s).
Use of the Optional On-Board Razer Venom Delivery System without proper medical screening may result in arrhythmic heartbeats, future sight, imagined powers, rapid appendage growth, erratic limb spasms, corrosive bowl movements, lupus, and/or projectile ocular bleeding.
Do not fight/resist the A.T.A.P.M.A / Automated Intelligent On-The-Fly Movement feature as this may be interpreted as a sign of aggression against your Razer Talon, resulting in an angered/maliciously vengeful unit.
Use of Razer Talon without proper application of Razer Snake Oil Hyperesponse Lubricant may result in product failure/catastrophic fire.
Do not attempt to stroke, pat, or interact with any pets/younger siblings while the Razer Talon is in use. Doing so may result in damage/cataclysmic destruction of intended affection recipient.
If Razer Talon begins to behave erratically, move on its own, or become self-aware, unplug unit and barricade yourself/loved ones within a safe location and contact Razer Support. An armed team of product specialists will be dispatched to your location to dispose of and RMA your affected unit.
Do not attempt to rub, scratch, or interface with any part of your body while using the Razer Talon, as this may result in unit damage/horrific loss of valued limb(s).
Use of the Optional On-Board Razer Venom Delivery System without proper medical screening may result in arrhythmic heartbeats, future sight, imagined powers, rapid appendage growth, erratic limb spasms, corrosive bowl movements, lupus, and/or projectile ocular bleeding.
Do not fight/resist the A.T.A.P.M.A / Automated Intelligent On-The-Fly Movement feature as this may be interpreted as a sign of aggression against your Razer Talon, resulting in an angered/maliciously vengeful unit.
Links
Razerzone.com - Source