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What happened to Fenix really hit me hard, I could relate to it almost perfectly

LoL /r/leagueoflegends /u/KSienz 202 comments

Hi, I’m Kurai and there’s a few things you need to know beforehand,

-I’m from Malaysia which the region is governed by Garena and Riot Games SG -I’ve been playing League for at least 6 whole years and started competitively 3 years back -What I wrote is 100% and this can literally happen to any player with just a snap

When I read about Fenix’s case, It really hit me hard because I thought that situation could never happen in a bigger region. Because the same happened to me, but I never told and reported it to anyone because I told no one would care. But after seeing Fenix’s case, I need to get this out of my chest, finally.

It all started December of 2017, my team with the help of Jordan Corby(he’s important later) had a close 1st Runner up placing with another team in The Legacy Series, something like CS, to qualify over to League of Legends Championships Malaysia, something like LCS but waaaay smaller. It was a really tough lost for me because even though Top 2 of the tournament would qualify, It could never replace the feeling of being champions. But moving on, my team would decide to give our slot away to another different team and eventually we would all disband. Needless to say, I was again saddened by this but it’s 4 against 1 so there was nothing I could do.

However, Jordan Corby, who helped coach us during TLS was the Head Coach of Fire Dragoon Esports. I was apparently picked up by him and Camou, the manager then, into become a substitute mid for Fire Dragoons during the regular season of LCM. I should let you guys know, even though I got picked up and was officially in the team. I never got to sign any contract and had only agree to get allowance of 150 Malaysia Ringgits, which is about 36USD, which I later found out was actually from Camou’s own pockets. Also in the midst of all, joining means I would have to juggle college, work and family time. But regardless, I didn’t care at all because all I wanted was to get better and I thought joining FDG would help me in this. Work hours begins at 11am till 10pm everyday excluding Mondays, but most of the time I would always stay pass 10pm just to get an extra game off. The hours felt long because we were only allowed to play on KR Super Accounts and had scrims against international teams in between hours. For me, I was only ever allowed to train on the KR super account given to me and never had a chance to scrim at all. But that was my call as I wanted to improve more on my KR rank before scrimming along the main team. Oh, I should also mention that I had to drive about 18miles/40minutes whenever there’s work to at the Gaming Office from my home, due to the fact that my family didn’t wanted me to stay at the Gaming Apartment. Also, most of my meals are either fast food or fried noodles, only on rare occasions I would have a proper meal due to the expenses. So in short, I went through the almost impossible lifestyle just to play in a pro-team for RM150 from my manager’s pockets on a monthly basis.

Fast-forward a bit, my team, which I did not play with in scrims nor on stage at all, made it into the LCM play-offs, then semis and eventually finals. But we came short losing to a rival team, it was extremely devastating for some of my teammates but that’s a story for another day. Eventhough I never played a single game at all, I did receive a medal but never the prize pool share for obvious reasons. The team was put into a hiatus status and everyone was given at least a month of break and would eventually return to play for Summer.

A month past, and I was told the organization will be rebranded into FrostFire Esports. How I remember it happened after was, everyone was released and was offered tryouts to join FrostFire. I was fortunate to be offered a chance at the tryouts and I was constantly told I would be paid if I made it in. Though I was also told I would likely get in to be a substitute again. A couple weeks passed and tryouts was done, I was made the substitute again and has been repeatedly told I would 100% get paid(remember this cuz this hella important). But unfortunately, Carry players Xare and Ribenamania was axed, although I think Ribenamania didn’t wanted to play at all even though he was actually the star player of our team back in Spring. So now, the Mid Position was empty and I thought I was have a shot at it. But lo and behold, let’s call him, Player A, who as also in the tryouts, who I was told that had more or less the same skill level as me, took the spot instead. So there, I was the sub and player A was the starter, which we both were told we would both get paid and both of us would go for an upcoming Korean Bootcamp.

A week into the official start of FrostFire Esports, I was doing my daily SoloQ quota as usual when suddenly my new manager pulled me out and asked me to go into his office. I was excited as I thought we were gonna discuss about my salary which I asked to be at least RM1.2k-RM1.5K because everyone in starter positions are getting at least RM1.6k which is almost 400USD. But holy f, I’ve never been ganked this hard my entire career. So there I was with the manager, and he told me I would be getting no salary at all, and I would not have a PC to use after an import comes in. Yes, you read that right. Being constantly told I would be paid at least RM1k turn into 0 and no PC to use, and my KR Bootcamp was denied as well. I was devastated but I didn’t show my feelings and just quietly/peacefully agreed, or as my sub-coach said, “I left with grace”. And get this, I found out that Player A signed a contract immediately and was paid about 4 weeks in, plus he went for the KR Bootcamp as well. I don’t know if this is just sheer f-ing bad luck but I don’t know how I can’t be filled with spite and sorrow.

Now comes the aftermath of me, needless to say I was completely heartbroken and at first I had all the spite to become better and eventually get into another team, but that eventually turned into depression and anxiety. Those 3 months+ of commitment just goes down the drain, and because I didn’t get paid at all, I had to survive a couple of months just on the salary on my other job. I only had about RM200 plus help from my family to survive for about 2 whole months, I had to become extremely stingy on food and rely on my family more than ever to survive.

Yknow, it was then I just completely lost it, just absolutely broken in mind and body. I was convinced no matter how hard I try, how much effort I put in, things would always go wrong just cause it could. It’s almost like I was always destined to fail and no else would matter. There are even times where my entire body would just stop doing something half way and I had to remind myself that I am still alive and I have to keep going. Training alone didn’t help either because my outbreaks would be extremely frequently, and I would just beat myself up more for every mistake in KR SoloQ, even losing a goddamn minion. And to be honest, I’m at a point where I don’t really know if I have it in me to continue this dream of mine to become a professional player, I really want to and it would mean the world to me to be able to play as an import. It’s a wild dream but I want to have a shot to play at NA, but at least this is but just a dream. Afterall, my 5 years of pure passion and hard work could possibly just go down the drains again, if it would happen again.

On the bright side, I don’t know if you’ll call this Karma. But FF went against Xare and Ribena’s new team in Globe Conquerer Manila and got absolutely obliterated from the face of the tournament. After that, FF instantly disbanded.

So there, my entire story that could possibly relate to Fenix’s. I know mine is waaay smaller and probably doesn’t mean a thing and nothing would change the fact that this has happened to me and I can hardly play professionally at all anymore. But I really had to get this out, I need to let people know that players’ career and maybe even life’s are at stake. Some organizations can really just be Thanos and just snap to instantly screw up any player’s time and efforts.

TL;DR

I joined an esport organization that was actually "good" in the Malaysian Scene, it is just unfortunate that I got dealt an extremely bad hand and eventually it left me to my own demise. I should have signed an actual damned physical contract, instead of just verbally agreeing to terms. This whole incident really left me into shatters but right now I'm trying my best to coop with the situation, bit by bit.

I really appreciate it if you read the whole true story that is mine, I really do. Have a great day ahead, friends.

EDIT1: Rearranged the points.

EDIT2: Most of the staff in FDG/FF was actually a huge help to me, I was told that the upper management was the one who denied my pay and efforts.

EDIT3: I just woke up and holy f I didn't expect to get this much responses for this kind of post, I'm having mixed feelings right now but the good ones and I'll try to reply to as many comments as I can. Also, I added a tl;dr

EDIT4: I think I should mention some personal information as well The aftermath of me is that I'm currently still trying to recover from this, I thought I was well enough to resume things at the start of August but I know now that I'm not. I'm trying to stream again but thing's are slow for me in that direction. Though, I am trying to learn the 101s in streaming so just be patient and I promise I'll put out more content someday. And for those who are wondering, I'm 20, still studying, my highest rank I've hit in KR SoloQ was D4 and I main Mid with the occasional off-role as a JG.

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