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Blogs \ Time to Climb Harder...
Darksnake1991 @ 19th July 2009 09:04 (Read 320 times).
So as you may have gathered, my parents were both alcoholics when i was growing up. it really fucking sucked. We had some ups, some good times, but I never knew when it was gonna be my dad or that 'drunk fat guy': same for my mom replace guy with chick). My mom stopped drinking after several rolling-on-the-ground puke-a-thons and other shit (like flashing the crowd at the bar. etc.). But that wasn't the stopping factor: it was the doctor saying "quit drinking or you're gonna die". So she hyped it up to me. "Michael, I'm quitting drinking! it's gonna be hard but...(bullshit bullshit bullshit)"

But my dad kept at it. And every few months, he'd say he was going to "try" and quit. and then he'd sneak some beers. And then he'd get drunk home alone. And then he'd be right back at it. I would say "hey, didn't you say...?" and he'd cut me off.

"it's not your fucking problem! It's just one beer! I'm in complete control! (bullshit bullshit bullshit...)"

So I told him and her that the next time dad started drinking, I was out. No matter what. and things seemed to be going good. Until...

My Grandma recently fell down and broke her arm. So i was covering some hours for my mum. And that was fine. I stayed up particularly late one night playing Starcraft, oblivious to the fact that my grandma had apparently also broken her leg. I received no calls to that affect. So I slept in that day: till noon (I don't usually like to do so, but I am 18 and in my apartment, with no known obligations, so everyone else can fuck off, right?). Well, my dad shows up, and is yelling at me to get up. Alright, I sleep a bit heavily. so the conversation went something like this.

"Dad, whats up? What do you need?"
"I need your ass out here! 'snide laugh'"
*I walk out there*
"What's up?"
"Well, it took you long enough..."
"I was up a bi-"
"Well, whatever. Your grandma is in the hospital. They think she had a stroke. Your mom is with her and you need to cover her hours.
"Not a problem, man. Is grandma alright?"
"I don't know. It would have been *sarcastic, snide tone* really nice if you have callllled, or stopped byyyye..."
"Well, man you have my num-"
"Well, yeah, whatever. Just call next time. We don;t have the cell phone, so we didn;t have your number."
"Oh, what happened to it?"
"I don't know. Your mom probably lost it or something. so you think you can handle coming in at four? (jeer)"
"Yeah man, anything to help out."
"Bye"
"See ya"

He leaves. I am pretty pissed at his piss poor attitude. And EVERY TIME he gets into that piss poor attitude, he is hung over or hiding something. or both. So as I am fuming, it dawns on me that my grandma may have had a stroke. She is 80, so she may well be on her death bed. So i call the local hospitals to get ahold of her. I finally do, and I talk to mum. She tells me that grams is fine. She is getting tested to see if a stroke had caused her fall, not that she was rushed in because she had a stroke. Like my dad had just described to me. So I tell her i am covering for her, and we are cool. i then mention that dad seemed like he was drinking again. i ask her about this often. And she has always said, or looked me in the eye and said, unwavering, "Your father is not drinking. I would leave him if he did."

Now I am thinking "what the fuck". My dad is more than capable of working, and he lives RIGHT ABOVE the fucking store. But alright. I can do it. I am pissed that he led me to believe something other than the truth, but alright... As long as he's not drinking (we all see where this is going...)

So i called up a family friend who lives near my dad. Get ahold of her. I told her what happened. I told her what happened, and she goes quiet. A creppy kinda quiet...and then she owns up. "

"your dad's been drinking, hun."
"What?"
"Your dad's been drinking. Your mom caught him doing it."
"You know this for a fact?"
"Yes. He has been drinking."
"I mean, you swear?"
"Yes. your-"
"If I went to your house right now, you would look me in the eye and swear upon your mother's grave that he has indeed been drinking?"
"Yes."
"Alright. I'm gone. Thanks for having the balls to do what my own parents didn't".
"Hun, I'm sorry, maybe I shouldn't have told you."
"No, I deserve to know. I told them I'd leave and I am going to. Thanks, (friend's name)"
"Take it easy, hun."

So I make a few calls, get a truck and some guys. I call up the person working. Tell em I'm not coming in. I go over and get my stuff. i go up to my grandpa's to say goodbye. My dad is there.

"You wait right there"
"Dad, my ride's wait-"
"You sat there, or I'll come git ye."
*stomp stomp stomp*
"what the fuck do you think you're doing?"
"I old you that if you drank, I'd-"
"You're making a big fucking deal out of nothing. Your mom doesn't need this right now. i got drunk once."
"I told you-"
"i need you to work tonight."
"I'm sorry, man, but..."
"if you leave, I want you to park that car behind the store, get your games and shit, and go."
"i already did"
*stunned*
"Well, then, get out"
"Bye man"
"You're being irrational!"

So i leave. I come back a bit later to actually drop the car off, and get barraged by my old man again. I'll spare the conversation, but He threw every verbal manipulation he could at me.
"Here, take the car back, just come back tomorrow"
"Your the only thing that is keeping your mom alive"
"Your just lazy; that's why you don't want to work"
"Your Grandma needs you; you are turning your back on family"
"The only reason I could to this to my parents when I was your age was because I had two older sisters in the hospital to take care of things (I personally thought this was a dumb fucking arguments. They all were, but this took the cake...)"
"Staying up late every night playing video games isn't going to make you past college (Which i am not even in yet, but i have a full ride...)"
"Video Games are rotting your mind"
"You're making a big deal out of nothing"
"So what if I have had a few beers off and on for the past week and got out of hand last night; your grandma is worrying me"
"This isn't about you, so don't be self centered"

so he said that shit to me. and I walked out. i said: we'll talk later".

So I agreed o cover last Thursday and Friday for them. For my Grandma's sake: otherwise, my mom "couldn't go" and would have blamed it on me...

so, Friday, i talk to my old man. and i spill it.
"Man, growing up, i was afraid to even approach you. I didn't know when you were drunk, sober, or hung over.
"Well, you've always been skiddish, ever since you were born."
"and that's my fault? You freaked the hell out of me"
"well, you shouldn't let small things get to you. you cat go around in life afraid.
"I'm sure as hell not afraid of you now.
*pause*
"that's a good thing"
"And yes, we had good times, but as I got older, you got worse and worse..."
"I don't think it was that much of a problem. And you were always gone too! Playing video all the time. And in high school, you got in all those extra activities: I could argue that you were never there too!"
"Ya, but I was only paying games because i was afraid to hang out with you guys! It was scary shit watching you fight. it was just-"
"Well, i don't know if i believe that. That isn't entirely true. for the last few months you lived with us, you just locked yourself in your room."
"Ya, because-"
"Exactly. you did what you just argued against me about."
*ducks into store*

At this point, it's essentially over. He just says that my video gaming caused more problems than anything, and that I, the 18 year old boy in he family, apparently persuaded the ENTIRE FAMILY that dad was a drunk. Mind you all, readers, that my dad has ALWAYS been the black sheep of the family for that main reason. That, and he wont apply himself for anything! He does things halfway, says "I'll get to it later". and sits down to play W3: RoC (he wont play TFT; too 'complicated' for him. ??) when I pointed out the fact that it's unlikely that I could do that, he just said it's because I'm the "big academic achiever" that "everyone" listens to. he sounded insulted and hurt that i was doing the shit that he didn't do when he was my age.

It's a sad day when your own dad is jealous that you are trying to make something of yourself...

So I closed up. and called in a ride: I knew that they were taking the car back (I knew they would take all that shit, so i bought my own assets. They made me quit working my first job so I couldn't get a car in time, but I got a computer... haha). I walked upstairs and told them that I meant it: I was out. I love em but I was out.

And the last words my dad said were these:

"Well son, I've just got one thing to say. I really feel for you when you get a real job. Because if you are looking for a reference -if that's what you want: what you're looking for- don't put me on there, because i sure as hell wouldn't give you a good one. You're in for a real wake up call."

"See ya around, Old Man. Take it easy"

And that was it.



So for anyone not leaving the house at 18. For anyone that is few up with it and complains, but doesn't leave, i say this.

I'm off to do what I want, where I want, when I want, with who I want to do it with, no matter who says anything. I have wheels now (my own) and enough money in the bank to be comfortable. My best advice to you would be either balls up, or look real hard at your parents and you: maybe they aren't half bad. A lot of parents are pretty cool: get to know them.

But mine sure weren't. And it's gonna be rough. But I swear that I am going to make it. even if it means living low for a while. I am gonna live my dreams, damn it.

Too many video games? No work ethic? See you at the top, old man.

See you at the top.
 


comments
6
#1 ETBrooD 2 years ago
I'm surprised to see that nobody responded to your blog yet.
I have an advice for you. Whatever you do for a living and whatever you want to achieve in life, do it for yourself and because of yourself. Don't do it for someone else or because of someone else. Your whole future depends on it. It's your life, not just one life.
 

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